A couple of weeks ago at MOPS, I heard Nadia Swearingen-Friesen speak on how her family gets things done without her having to nag, scream and yell all the time. It is a brilliant plan using popsicle sticks and a cup or jar.


Here is Nadia's intro to using her stick method:


Using Sticks to Build a Structure In the early days of parenting, we often have a clear vision of what we want to 
teach our children.  We talk about what lessons and life experiences are important 
to offer our family.  And yet, somehow, in the hustle and bustle of a way-too-busy life, 
we lose sight of those early goals.  We find ourselves living a life that is out of control 
and facing the reality that we are pulling our children through day-to-day tasks.   
There is a better way!   Together we will discover this unique program that teaches 
our children to internalize tasks, reduces family stress, minimizes materialism and helps 
us to focus on the goals we once had for our children.   Hands on ideas will be given 
to accomplish all of the above and positively affect the discipline of our children.  


You can find our more about Nadia on her website: nadiaswearingen-friesen.com and her blog: nadiaswearingen-friesen.blogspot.com. She also mentioned that she will have a book coming out at some point this year. I will definitely be getting it!


I took about 3 pages of notes from her talk...it was that good! I came home and told Robert all about it. We agreed that we would give it a try since it seemed like a no fail method. Here are the notest that I took. I hope I didn't get anything wrong, but I think you will get the idea and be able to make it work for you family if you wish to do so.


She suggests that parents start out by asking themselves these questions: 
1. What do we want for our children?
2. What sort of parents do we want to be?
3. What type of children do we want our children to be?
4. What type of adults do we want them to grow into?
5. What goals do we have for our children?


The answers that she and her husband came up with were:
For themselves:
-they do not want to nag or scream at their kids...kids hate it and parents hate it.
-they don't want to be tired, stressed or worn out...parents are only given 18 years with their kids, so we should make the most of it.
-they aren't servants, they are teachers...we need to teach our children how to behave and how to do the things they need to do.


For the kids:
-responsible children- it's not a parent's job to do for their children, but it's their job to teach their children.
-children who know what to do and do it- most children already know what to do, but they don't act on it.
-healthy kids- we can teach them how to be healthy and show them healthy things that they like.
-standard of things that happen everyday- a rhythm or schedule of sorts for the family.
-music and reading everyday- kids manage it themselves. Reading brings academic success, and academic success brings choices (meaning you can choose your path in life).
-promote delayed gratification- wait and think about a purchase/toy. if kids earn something, it will mean more to them.
-kids should play together- siblings need to value each other, listen to one another, and get along.


These questions and answers will help you decide what should go on your children's sticks.


Using the sticks...
For each child, you get a cup or jar and some popsicle sticks.


Nadia's toddler/preschoolers' sticks had symbols/drawings of these things on them:
-get dressed...draw a shirt and pants
-clean breakfast dishes...draw a plate
-brush teeth...draw a tooth brush
-read/look at a book...draw a book
-play outside...draw a sun
-take a nap (if they don't nap, then they can read in bed for quiet time)...draw a bed
-clean up...write the word "Clean"


For school aged children you can have two colors of sticks, or just color the outer edge of some of the sticks. One color is for before school, and one color (or the sticks with the colored outer edge) is for after school.


Nadia's older kids' sticks have these written on them:
Morning sticks-
-get up on time
-make bed
-get dressed
-eat breakfast
-clean breakfast dishes
-brush teeth
-pack a healthy lunch
-get school stuff together
-leave for the bus on time


Afternoon sticks-
-make snack
-clean up school stuff and unpack lunch
-play outside
-homework
-practice music
-practice sport
-5 minutes cleaning room
-15 minutes of reading
-help mom (wonderful stick! kids will actually come and ask you what they can do for you!!!)
-shower
-lay out next day's clothes
-brush teeth
-set alarm and get to bed on time


How it works...
Every morning the kids dump out their sticks and put them in their own order (if they want to eat breakfast before making bed, they can, etc). After they accomplish each chore, they can put the corresponding stick in their jar. If, at the end of each day, they have all of their sticks in their jar, then they get a golden stick. When they have 10 golden sticks, they get a prize or money or whatever you think their "currency" is. Nadia's kids get legos. My kids will get a pack of gum or tic tacs (they are super easy to please...haha!).


She also has a discipline chart to go along with this. She suggests this chart for ages 4 and up. The chart holds 3 ears and 3 mouths for each child. When a child disobeys or doesn't listen, an ear is removed from his chart. When a child mouths off or says something he shouldn't, an eye is removed from his chart. Under each ear and eye are the words, "help mom." Brilliant! So when an eye or ear is removed, the child has to do whatever Mom asks them to do when she asks them to do it. If they don't, then they lose another ear. If the child loses 3 ears or 3 eyes in a given day, Mom takes away a golden stick. My kids would hate to lose a golden stick!


She also has what she calls initiative sticks. These are special sticks that her kids get when they do something that is not on their sticks or that a parent didn't ask them to do. After getting 3 initiative sticks, they get a golden stick.


It sounds like a lot, but it's really not that hard once you get the sticks made. Today is our first day, and my kids are LOVING it! They are so excited about putting a stick in their jar. I'm excited about it too. I haven't had to remind them of anything today. And I loved hearing SG ask me how she can help me! I'm sure the newness will wear off and I will have to remind them to look at their sticks some, but I really think this is going to be a great asset to our family!


I would love to know if any of you try it and what you think about it!