My mom was in town this past weekend, and I was reminded once again of the amazing job she did in raising me. Although my childhood was highly dysfunctional, my parents did one thing that was very right. They were open with me.

A few years following my brother's death, I randomly read Psalm 52:8, which says, "But I am like an olive tree, thriving in the house of God. I will always trust in God's unfailing love." I decided to do a little research. Why would David compare himself to an olive tree?

I found that olive trees can get out of control. If left unattended, an olive tree will end up looking more like a short, fat shrub, and it won't produce much fruit. But if the farmer cultivates his tree and prunes it in a way that helps it grow tall, it will be a beautiful, strong tree that produces much fruit.

So here was David saying that he was an olive tree, thriving in the house of God. He was trusting God's unfailing love. David, the man running and hiding from King Saul, said this after an ally was killed by one of Saul's men. He knew where to keep his focus. In the midst of a terrible time in his life, he was trusting God. He was allowing God to cultivate him. To prune him like a farmer does an olive tree.

I look over my life and see the many times of suffering I've experienced, and I can honestly say that God has always been here with me. He has used the hard times to cultivate his fruit in my life. The scars that remain are amazing reminders of how I have made it through. Reminders of how my spirit has grown stronger and more beautiful. It's these scars that remind me right now in this particular moment that I am an olive tree, thriving in the house of God. I will always trust in his unfailing love.

His love is what helps me stay focused on the silver linings he provides in every rain cloud. Here are few...

97. honesty
98. better late than never
99. repentance
100. broken bones, when mended, are stronger than ever
101. new commitments
102. Jesus holds our world in his hands
103. friends who support, encourage, listen, pray
104. restoration
105. counseling to help on journeys
106. transparency
107. seeing a big picture...not focusing one what i can see now but on what God sees
108. Word of God...speaking straight, giving promises, providing hope
109. truth and honesty
110. support groups
111. ability to love and forgive
112. confession
113. unconditional love
114. what lipstick and blush can do for a tired face :)
115. time for reading and relaxing
116. grass in a vase from a cute little girl
117. backyard picnics
118. hand holding
119. gentle kisses
120. backyard campouts
121. love prayers
122. whispers of truth
123. confessing love
124. unexpected breezes on hot days
125. seeing something that sparks a beautiful memory
126. humility
127. surrender

This morning I tackled a task that I do not enjoy. I pulled weeds. Some of the smaller weeds aren't so bad because they pull up with their root still attached pretty easily. But the big weeds seem to have roots that are never ending. I have to dig all around to get the whole root out of the ground. Sometimes, the root breaks, and I can't get the whole thing out. And after a couple of hours of pulling these nasty little plants from the ground, I get tired and decide to quit. I'm hot, sweaty and my hands are cramping, so I put everything away and decide that the rest will wait until another day.

While I was digging in the dirt this morning, I realized that life also has weeds. Over the last 8 years that Robert and I have been married, we've struggled with specific weeds. We would see them and just mow over them, but they always came back. A few times we would dig around and pull them out. But a couple of weeks ago, we realized that we had never pulled out the roots.

These weeds have dug deep into our marriage. They have smothered a lot of the good grass and flowers that we've planted and attempted to cultivate. They are ugly. They are nasty. They are taking over.

We began individual counseling as well as couple counseling 18 days ago. We have been devouring books and websites. We've spoken with our pastors, mentors and some friends. All of this to find a way to kill these weeds once and for all. It's hard work. It's overwhelming. Some days I don't think it's worth it.

But then I am reminded of Isaiah 43:1-2: Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name; you are mine. When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.

So we are trusting God for freedom. Our goal is to fight until the weeds are gone...roots and all. But we can't do this alone. We've kept this news between a handful of people for the last few weeks, but we need support. We are both broken right now. We are at the end of our ropes hanging on for dear life.

We are not quite ready to share the details of these weeds with everyone. But one day, when we've located all the roots and have all the tools to destroy them, we will share our story. Until then, please keep us in your thoughts and your prayers. We need them. Thank you.