our lovely mess: January 2011

Archive for January 2011

Gentle Parenting

Since a few of you asked...here are some links that inspire our parenting style:

The Parenting Passageway

Dr. Sears (and his take on attachment parenting)

Gentle Christian Mothers

We are not 100% gentle parents, but we do try our best to be. What I like so much about gentle parenting is the emphasis on being calm and patient. We try to keep our voices low and to the point while disciplining. Yes, there have been times that I have raised my voice...even screamed at my kids. I have even spanked my kids before. But I HATE how it makes everyone feel. I don't want my kids to remember how I screamed at them. I want them to think of me as rational, calm and peaceful but also serious and to the point. I love how Carrie, from The Parenting Passageway, says, "I am sure we all remember instances of being teenagers and not wanting to talk to our parents because they 'would freak out'. If you can be calm(er) in the years preceding these years, hopefully your teenagers will feel they can come to you with things because you will be calm and helpful and listen." This is my encouragement to speak calmly to my children. I don't scream at adults that do me wrong or disagree with me, so why should I scream at my kids. When my husband and I disagree, I don't call him names, scream at him or physically hurt him, so why would I do those things to my children when they disagree with me?

I do believe that the parenting toolbox is full of different tools. Each child is different and might need a different style than others. But I also believe that being rational, calm and peaceful should be used with each of these tools.

You know your child best. You know how they learn and understand. But I can almost guarantee that being rational, calm and peaceful will help them learn even faster.

A New Day

We started our second semester of 1st grade on January 5. And I have been readjusting our rhythm quite a bit over the last 3 weeks. I have always been a fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants kind of girl, but I learned this past summer that being a homeschooling mom requires more structure in my life.

I've found a decent daily rhythm. But I can't seem to get our weekly rhythm nailed down this semester. Because of this I have been so excited for my alarm to go off at 6 am. I am ready for a new day to begin, so I can see what we can accomplish. Does this mean I'm crazy? I am determined to figure out how to get our stuff done and still be sane at the end of the day.

I ordered the book Organized Simplicity by Tsh Oxenreider for Christmas. I am in the middle of reading it along with 3 other books. But I decided this weekend that I need to put the other books aside and let my focus be on organizing...my time...my home...my finances...my life.

The idea in the book is great. It's all about being intentional in every area of your life. From how you spend your money and your time to how you eat, clean and decorate your home. Everything has a purpose. The author's definition of simple living is "living holistically with your life's purpose."

"Holistic living means that your spiritual, relational, emotional, intellectual, physical, and financial lives are working together. They're not competing with one another...these parts exist to complement and strengthen one another."

"Your purpose is the reason for which you exist, for which you do things, and for which you are made. It's what you are about. It's the reason you live."

So "the different parts of your life line up in the same direction, and that direction is pointed toward your life's purpose. All the independent things in your life - the items you own, how you spend your time, the relationships you cultivate, and the books you read - ultimately benefit your life's purpose."

This is great for me right now. Not only in our homeschooling and daily and weekly rhythms, but in every aspect of my life.

I feel like I am having an early mid-life crisis. You know where a young woman wakes up and asks, "How did I get here? What happened to life as I knew it?" Except I have woken up saying, "I really like where I am and this life I am living, but how do I continue to do this and do it right?"

About 14 months ago, at my last therapy appointment, Dr. Suzanne told me that once I worked out my faith, everything else in life would fall into place. She was right!

Last Fall, our pastor spoke on saying yes to God. That day I realized that when my dad passed, I said no to God. Then after a few months in therapy, I began to say maybe. But 3 months ago, I said yes. I was really ready to "get off the bench and back in the game" as Dr. Suzanne put it. I realized that the "injury" of losing my father was finally healing. It is no longer a wound that scabs over and then rips open again and again. It's made the transition to a scar. This is good. Scars remind me of the pain I've felt, but they also remind me that with God I can make it through hard times.

And now that I'm back in this game, I want to do it right. I like the ideas I've been reading about lately...simple living, gentle parenting and most importantly fully trusting and hoping in God (my motto right now is Job 13:15 NLT). What's crazy is that I have lived really simply before. And when SG was a baby, I could have written the book on gentle parenting. And I have known what it is to be completely devoted to God. But life gives us experiences that cause change. So it's time for more self discovery. My hope is to rediscover my purpose and to live it fully!

Valentine's Decor

I love decorating my house for various holidays throughout the year. In previous years, we have gone all out for Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas, but we have only put out a few decorations for Valentine's, St. Patrick's Day, Easter and Independence Day. I've decided that this year we will put more effort into decorating for these other holidays.

Robert designed a Valentine's bunting for us to hang above our bay window. We liked it so much that he decided to put a free download for it here at rojofotodesign.com. You can print it, cut it out, and hang it up with the ribbon of your choice. We found a cute baby pink and white ribbon on sale at Hobby Lobby to use with ours. You will have to cut two vertical slits on each panel to fit your ribbon. I think it turned out really cute!

download at rojofotodesign.com

Devotionals

I signed into my email yesterday morning ready to read my daily devotional email from Proverbs 31 Ministries. Then today, I was reading this post on Ann Voskamp's blog A Holy Experience. They both have been just what I needed to read after my last blog post, so I thought I would share them here...

January 19, 2011Listening to GodRenee Swope

"The Son can do nothing by Himself; he can do only what He sees the Father doing, because whatever the Father does the Son does also." John 5:19 (NIV)

Devotion:I want to be a woman who listens to God. But, sometimes I'm not sure if it's God talking or just me thinking. And if I'm really honest, when I do sense Him whispering to my heart, I'm not always crazy about what I sense He's telling me to do. Like the time I knew without a doubt God was calling me to share my testimony publicly. I pretty much ran from that assignment for a decade.

Yet, I've learned over the past twenty years that when I listen to God I discover His best for me. And, I grow my trust in Him. I've seen again and again that His ways lead to His goodness. And when I follow Him, His mercy follows me.

At the end of my ten-year spiritual sprint away from what scared me most — sharing the story of my brokenness with others — I surrendered to what God was calling me to do. I started listening closely to Him and trusting completely in Him, so that I could experience a day-by-day abiding in His presence and promises. From there, His plans unfolded day-by-day.

Honestly, I thought I had been listening to Him all that time. But one day while I was praying about God's direction in some decisions, the Holy Spirit showed me that I had a habit of asking God what He wanted me to do and where He wanted me to invest my time. Then I went about doing that, without depending on Him for direction each step of the way.

Oftentimes, I would seek God for the larger plans in life, convinced that if I figured out what He wanted me to do then I could become the person He created me to be and fulfill the calling He had for me.

Have you ever thought: "If only God would show me what job to take; what man to marry; what church to attend, what ministry to serve in - then my life would be complete and I could trust Him with my whole heart"?

The problem is that sometimes we get a glimpse of where He wants us to go and then assume we know how to get there. Or we get a peak at what He wants us to do and think we know how He wants us to get it done. How many times have I made that mistake and then wondered why I wasn't getting anywhere?

Over time, God has taught me that He wants my spiritual ears more than my spiritual efforts. He wants daily dependence, interaction and intimacy with me. And He is more concerned with my character than my calendar.

You know, Jesus depended on the Father for the large and fine print written in His life plan. He listened closely and obeyed quickly. In today's key verse, John 5:19, we see His absolute dependence: "The Son can do nothing by Himself; he can do only what He sees the Father doing, because whatever the Father does the Son does also."

Like Jesus, we will discover God's purpose for our lives through dependent hearts that seek to listen to His — day by day, moment by moment. Let's position our hearts, minds and souls to hear Him speak to us today.

Dear Lord, I want to become a woman who listens to You. I come to You today with a seeking heart, asking not only for direction but for discernment, humility and dependence on You -- each step of the way. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Application Steps:

Take time today to pull away from distractions and quiet your thoughts, even if it's just 10-15 minutes. Tell God about your desire to hear Him speak to your heart through a verse, a song, a person or a whisper in your soul. Talk to Him about your plans for the day and ask Him to show you His. Give Him permission to interrupt your thoughts and agenda and lead you in a different direction if He wants to. Get ready for a day filled with adventure and companionship as you walk hand in hand with your Maker.

Visit Renee's blog to find out how you can discern God's voice and recognize His promptings.

Reflections:

Do I read my Bible so that God's words and ways are familiar to me? Do I intentionally listen for God's voice, or do I assume I know what He wants me to do?

Power Verses:

Psalm 119:16, "I delight in your decrees; I will not neglect your word." (NIV)
John 14:31a, "but I will do what the Father requires of me, so that the world will know that I love the Father." (NLT)

1 Samuel 3:10, "The LORD came and stood there, calling as at the other times, "Samuel! Samuel!" Then Samuel said, "Speak, for your servant is listening." (NIV)

Proverbs 31 Ministries616-G, Matthews-Mint Hill RoadMatthews, NC 28105www.Proverbs31.org

Self Discovery

It's been a year and a half since my dad passed away, and in that time I have made a lot of discoveries about myself. I discovered that I'm not as tough as I once thought I was. That a life I am so happy with and so sure of can be turned upside down. That everything I believe strongly in can be put on the back burner or done away with all together.

During those first few months after his death, my therapist had to help me find the life that I once was so happy with. She had to help me figure out how to be tough once again. How to believe strongly in something as I had before. How to be Cheyenne again. It took a while, but I found my way out of that dark hole. The way back to the person that my husband and children knew and loved. The person that I loved.

Before my dad's passing, I was always pretty involved in a local church. Whether it was serving at a soup kitchen, teaching sunday school, attending bible studies...I was always active and ready to be a part of the body of Christ. My type A personality shined in those areas.

But something shifted in my when he died. I obviously noticed the depression back then. The lack of energy. The anger. The desire to completely shut down. And those are the areas that my therapist and I worked on.

But just recently, I discovered that I have never searched for the person that God loves. The person that he designed me to be. I didn't realize that my desire to be active in my relationship with God had faded. I didn't realize that I had become a sneak-into-the-service-late-leave-early-just-blend-in type of Christian. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but I have never been that type of church goer before.

Up until 4 months ago, I wasn't even going to church regularly anymore. If I didn't feel like going, I didn't go. If Robert was out of town, I wouldn't go to church by myself. I was still a believer, but I was not very active in my beliefs.

Then, the other night, our pastor asked me if I was ready to be active in the church and if so, in what area of ministry would I like to be involved in. It really took me off guard. I honestly haven't thought about it in a year and a half.

I mean, yes, the desire for missions has never left me. That desire would be hard to shake with a husband whose day job is with a missionary sending agency and in-laws who are currently serving as missionaries in Africa. But the desire to be involved in ministry on a daily or weekly basis has not really entered my mind. I know that my life is very consumed with my children, homeschooling, and house wife type things, but I also know that there is room in my life for more.

This is something I have started praying about. I used to have a clear definition of the area God wanted me to be active in. But now...I am kind of drawing a blank. Deep parts of me have changed. That type A personality that would lead and teach others has taken a backseat. I don't even know if it's there at all anymore.

So the journey of self discovery continues...

The Marathon...

Saturday, October 9, Robert and I headed to the train station. We were on our way downtown for the Bank of America Chicago Marathon.

We checked into our hotel, then hopped on the bus to the race expo. I think expos are my favorite part about running races...next to the feeling of crossing a finish line of course. There is so much energy and anticipation at the expo. You wander around different booths checking out merchandise while rubbing shoulders with other runners. It's exhilarating!

We got our bib numbers and our swag bags. We put on our technical shirts and posed for a picture. We ate a little bit of the free samples. We bought some souveniers...like we needed any reminders of this feat! We found our names on the nike town wall. (they post every registrant's name...all 45,000 of them!) We met Hal Higdon and had him autograph our bibs and a book for the kids. We had a lot of fun!

After the expo, we hit the streets of Chicago, and just enjoyed being together without the kids!!! Thanks to my wonderful mother-in-law for coming up here to keep them so we could have the weekend to ourselves! We enjoyed dinner that night at the Grand Luxe, and then retired to our room for a good night's sleep.

The bad thing...I couldn't sleep!!! I was so keyed up. I tossed and turned and finally fell asleep around midnight. Our alarm was set for 5 am...ugh. But thankfully, I had all my gear ready to go. So come morning, I didn't have to do anything but put it on.

Then it was race time....

We stopped at Starbucks and downed some oatmeal and juice. Then headed out in the dark, cold morning to find the starting line.

We met up with Team World Vision, and had some prayer and pep talk time. I really enjoyed running with them. It was for a great cause, and they helped keep it fun! They had huge cheering sections at different points on the course. And there were soooo many World Vision runners. I don't think there was one point during the race that I didn't see other orange and white jerseys besides mine and Robert's.

Now for the nitty gritty...

We started the race with the 11 minute mile pace group. We had been training for that and felt pretty confident that we could pull it off. We had our ipods going, and we were ready to run! Mile 3 came, and we were in our zone. Then mile 8, 9, 10...we were still feeling great! We came upon mile 11 where Team World Vision had a HUGE cheering section. Their high fives and "you can do its" really propelled us forward. Then we saw the sign for 13.1...the half! I felt great! I beat my previous half marathon's time, and I hadn't pushed myself at all. I was on top of the world!!!

At mile 15 though, I started to cramp. It was bad. I new I was going to have to stop and wait in line at the port-a-potty...yuck! I don't think I have ever peed that quickly in my life! Hahaha! I didn't want that to make my time suffer.

We were still doing good. Still on pace. We felt like rockstars!

Then mile 17 hit Robert with a wall! It was awful. The temp was working its way up into the 80s. He was hot and dehydrated. He was feeling nauseated. And, for some reason, I felt it was my duty as his running partner to go Jillian Michaels on him! So for the next two miles, I barked orders at him and tried to push him as hard as I could. (I'm terrible... I know!!!) He didn't fall for it though. He knew his limits, so he just fast walked along while I blabbed away. Finally, he told me to run ahead...that he would be fine. I'm sure he was sick of my mouth! Sorry Babe! :)

I ran ahead determined to still finish in under 5 hours.

At mile 20, that aching cramp came back! Ugh...another bathroom break. This time though, I had to stand in line FOREVER!!! When I finally got back out on the course, I realized that there was no way I could finish in under 5 hours. I was so upset. Seriously...I muttered a string of four letter words, but I kept going. I crossed under the China Town arch and heard another World Vision cheering section. When I high fived some of them, I realized that my time didn't matter. I was going to finish this thing proud of myself no matter what my time was.

Then I looked in front of me, and there was Robert fast walking like he had been when I left him at mile 19. I ran up to him and immediately apologized. He passed me while I was stuck in line at the mile 20 bathroom. Funny...I know!

I stuck with him this time. He fast walked and I slow jogged. We were doing good. Happy that the end was getting closer.

By this mile 23 it was after 12:30 and around 84 degrees. We were exhausted. We were hot. We wanted to be finished! I couldn't take it anymore. I started crying. The spectators were giving me sympathetic looks and hollering encouragement. That morning I had borrowed a pen and wrote Cowgirl Up on my forearm. I glanced down at it through my tears. I knew I could finish. I knew I could push myself for 3.2 more miles. My hands and feet were swollen to the point that my wedding ring and running shoes felt like they were a size too small! But I knew I could do it.

The next thing I knew we were at mile 26! We only had .2 miles to go...

And

Was

All

Hill...

Ugh! We decided that we would conserve what little energy we had left getting up the hill, and then when we saw the finish line, we would run as fast as we could.

As I topped that hill and turned that corner, the finish line came into view. I mustered up the strength and gave it everything I had left...which was nothing more than a slow jog. Hahaha! But we made it! We held hands and put them in the air. We crossed that finish line with the crowds screaming our names and the paparazzi snapping their cameras! It was AMAZING!!!

I gladly received my medal and posed for pictures. We joined up with Team World Vision and had lunch. They were so thoughtful...they had a golf cart picking people up from the finish line to take us to the lunch tent. I couldn't wait to sit down. My feet ached and I was starving!

We recovered well. We took a nap that afternoon and met up with some friends for dinner. I was sore for about 2 days. My feet took the worst hit though. It's been 3 months since the race, and I still have 3 bruised toenails. Battle wounds I guess.

But it was a great experience that I will one day do again...just not any time soon though. :)