God made me the way he wants me. He wants to use me the way that I am. My personality. My life. My experiences. They may not be the way I want them to be, but they are the way, the path, the Lord has for me. The path that he has chosen me to walk.

I can find strength in that. If he wants me here, then he will give me the strength and the ability to walk this road. I can't do it without him!

At church on Sunday, we sang the song "Our God is Greater." I felt the Lord telling me, reminding me, that he is in me and that he is greater than what I am facing and feeling right now. I can just let go and let him shoulder the burden. Yes, it hurts that he has allowed me to go through so much heartache in my 31 years. Yes, I wish he would have prevented some of my sufferings. But he is still greater than my sufferings. His ways are still better than my ways.

"God might kill me, but I have no other hope." Job 13:15

Sunday night, I told the Lord that I was ready to truly let go. To truly surrender. To quit trying to go through this process on my own just because I was disappointed in his path. Even if God's path seems to suck right now, it's still better than me trying to do my own thing. My way and my plan have been causing anxiety, fear, doubt, and a whole bunch of other crap that just binds me and takes me to a dark and barren place.

Letting go and trusting the Lord, even when it's hard and confusing, brings me to freedom. I no longer feel alone or heavy. I no longer feel like I am drowning. I finally feel like I can breathe again!

The song Fall Apart has been on mind the last couple of days. The line,"Our heartbreak brings us back to You," rocks me. When I hold on to my heartbreak, it smothers me, but when I let it go and trust God with it, my head comes above water and breath fills my lungs!