Coming To Terms
I have a new normal...yet again.
It seems that my life is FULL of chapters that require me to bend and shift and flex. Adaptation seems to be my story.
Right now, I am in a chapter full of headaches, acne, emotional roller coasters, tense shoulders, and somehow, somewhere deep inside, a sense of peace. What an oxymoron I am. Peace can coexist with headaches and tension? Some how it does with me.
As Robert and I work on ourselves and our marriage, we are discovering so much about our humanity and our spirituality. So much about sin and holiness. About truth and forgiveness.
I've written over the last six months a lot about self discovery and coming to terms with my story. But over the last two months, I have learned more than I ever dreamed possible about who I was and who I am and what my life has been, what it is and what it's becoming.
I was at a women's get together last Friday, and as we were closing in prayer, a woman read the Beatitudes out of The Message Bible.
Matthew 5: 3-10
You're blessed when you're at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule.
You're blessed when you feel you've lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you.
You're blessed when you're content with just who you are—no more, no less. That's the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can't be bought.
You're blessed when you've worked up a good appetite for God. He's food and drink in the best meal you'll ever eat.
You're blessed when you care. At the moment of being 'care-full,' you find yourselves cared for.
You're blessed when you get your inside world—your mind and heart—put right. Then you can see God in the outside world.
You're blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight. That's when you discover who you really are, and your place in God's family.
You're blessed when your commitment to God provokes persecution. The persecution drives you even deeper into God's kingdom.
This passage has played over and over and over in my head the last few days. I am working on my "appetite for God." He truly is the only food and drink that I need. I am working on being content with just who I am - "no more, no less." I am at the end of my rope and I have many losses, but as Jesus said, "with less of you there is more of God" and "only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you."
I am learning that being whole myself is more important than and must come first over a whole marriage. Robert and I cannot be good together until we are whole as individuals. He should never be my better half. I have to be whole and able to stand on my own two feet without him. And he should be whole and able to stand on his own without me.
Our husbands are not meant to complete us. Only God can complete us. Only God can be our soulmate. Only God can fulfill our needs. Marriage is just a want, a desire. It's not like food, water and air.
This definitely shatters all my fairytale dreams. I always thought it was romantic to view Robert as someone I needed to feel complete. To be able to say "I need you in my life." But I am learning that I don't "need" him.
I need God, and I want Robert.
I am learning to fully need and rely on God and not on my husband. I am learning that my marriage is just a bonus to my life. It's not a requirement or a necessity to be happy.
I need God, and I want Robert.
I am learning to fully need and rely on God and not on my husband. I am learning that my marriage is just a bonus to my life. It's not a requirement or a necessity to be happy.
I do want my marriage. I want my family. I want this added bonus in my life. But I need my priorities straight. I need to be whole in Jesus. I need him to complete my life.
ellen stevens
i love this. i've never thought of the necessity of being "whole", versus having a "better half". in addition, being the answer, being Jesus for either spouse is a role too great to fulfill. only God can throughly meet every emotional, mental, social, and even physical need we have. beautiful. thank you for sharing.
June 28, 2011 at 11:12 AM
Shambur
Thanks Chey! Love the version of the beatitudes ... so applicable. I have just been telling God, give me back that desire for your Word, for you in my life ... He is all-sustaining when nothing we can provide for ourselves is.
June 28, 2011 at 12:32 PM
Cylinda Nickel
SO true girl. It is like we want to fix all of those around us when really we need to be fixed first (or at least that is what happens to the girl that stares at me daily in the mirror). Thanks for really putting the whole naked truth of this out there. Love you- c
June 28, 2011 at 1:17 PM
Nichole Smith
I needed this today, Cheyenne. Being at the end of my rope today, I needed this. Thanks for the encouragement.
June 29, 2011 at 5:33 PM
Amanda
"I need God, and I want Robert."
This statement is the most beautiful statement I've read this week. I love the beatitudes in The Message and just read this passage this week also!
The journey is hard. But the hike up the mountain...is the only way for us to see the landscape.
You could not be any more beautiful of a soul...
A
June 30, 2011 at 1:07 PM
